The one I wrote with my full, sexy, face

Sorry I’ve been a slacker. I had to study this week. Weird, I know. Like, who does that anymore? Study shmudy. But the good news is that I got a B on my Anatomy lab practical. Hooray! Remember when we were eight years old and people would say, “I’m not trying to brag, but…” Yeah, well that’s what I just did there.

I’ve got to start with this. It was great. On Sunday afternoon, we went to watch the girls run. Fresh, new sorostitutes! (Just kidding. That’s degrading. I used to be one.) I thought we were going to be late and I’d have to rip Erika a new one (shout out #1), but we weren’t. I ran to avoid that. So we got a great spot, and we watched them run to their respective new houses… so sweet, so innocent, so un-aware that 20% of them won’t last long enough to even learn their new sorority’s secret handshake. (By the way, 20% is a made up number.) I caught most of the rush stampede on video, but I didn’t want to bore my readers… So if you want to see, let a sister know. I’ll keep this short and sweet, but the images describe my view perfectly.

 Guy with the Nerf gun, marry me. 

Next story. This one’s good, too, but it took place pre-blahg existence. So I’m in this statistics class right now. The teacher is absolutely precious and of Asian descent. So, simply put, she’s Asian. Chinese, probs. Anyway, as a good student should do (do as I say, not as I do, normally), I went and met my teacher in her office hour one day so she would know my face and name. This previous sentence was mistake #1. Toward the end of our conversation, she made it clear to me that she couldn’t really pronounce my name so she wanted help with it. Of course, this was no problem. I pulled out her roll sheet that was sitting on her desk and pointed to my ID picture right next to my name on the paper. That was mistake #2. My ID picture is my senior picture from high school. See visual aid. Upon seeing my picture, this is her response: (Cue video NOW.)  “Why you face so skinny?”

 

Is this real life?

She proceeded to gracefully redeem herself… “Now you face so full, so sexy.”